Benji and My Deer Husband

I just have to tell this story, even though it happened a couple of months ago, it must be recorded, because it has made me laugh over and over and over again. I don't know if anyone else will find this humorous, but at least it will be written down for me to come back to when I need a little "pick-me-up."

So, it was about 6:30 a.m. in the morning, when we were all still waking up. I was laying in bed and Tom, getting in the shower, looks out the back window and says, "Girls! Bambi is in the backyard!" and disappears into the shower. Sure enough, it was the smallest, sweetest, most peaceful little creature I had ever seen. This little fawn still had the speckled spots on it still. Maybe it was three or four days old. I couldn't believe that I was looking at such a perfect, tiny creature right in my backyard eating the grass and just being so mellow and cute.

I woke all four girls up to come outside and look at the baby "Bambi." They were ecstatic! We quietly tiptoed to the back door and as I cracked the back door open, I turned around for one last minute to remind Eliza to not let Benji out.  Famous last words.

The girls were very careful and all five of us were standing on the back porch, admiring the serene/tranquil national geographic scene, when I noticed that Benji had stuck his nose in the doorway so as to make the door ajar. He pushed his little body out through the crack and it was the end of our serene moment. Enter the demon.

Benji is a Cockapoo. I'm pretty sure Cockapoos are hunting dogs. At least this one is. Now that I think about it, I'm almost positive that the Royal family takes their Cockapoos to the Balmoral Summer Estate to hunt foxes. Our Royal dog Benji hunts every bird, cat, grasshopper, moving living breathing organism in our yard until they either A leave the property or B die. It's quite annoying really. This morning was NO different

The milli-second that our #@!* dog was out that back door he was chasing poor, sweet, innocent little Bambi. The sad part was, Bambi was not tall enough to jump over our 4 foot backyard fence so Benji would bark and snarl at this poor fawn and he would run as fast as he could and try his hardest to jump over the fence only to slam his entire body into the chain link barricade, fall to the ground and dizzily/wobbily try to stand up and make a run for it again. It was like a ping pong game with animals. 

Back and forth they went from left to right barking and slamming and falling. After about three rounds of this I immediately went into my doctor "trauma unit" mode. (I'm not a trauma doctor, but you know the mode that I'm talking about where there's a physiological explosion that is released somewhere between the heart and the brain.) I then started running after the dog yelling things that I can't repeat at this time. Just as soon as I thought I had Benji he'd outrun me, and I'd fall to the ground. To add even more chaos to this scene, add four crazed high-pitch screams (my little girls) with voices screeching as loud and as big as a voice box can get, especially Eliza, "BENJI-NO NO DON'T KILL BAMBI!" 

In my mind I had a picture of Benji getting the little Bambi and gnawing on his leg with blood squirting out, and me in the middle of the dog and the deer trying to pry the sweet fawn leg out of Benji's mouth. My mind did get ahead of myself, but it's just how it works sometimes.

The level of chaotic energy reached the maximum and it was time for me to call in reinforcements. I ran as fast as I could leaving all four girls to watch the foreboding scene.

Meanwhile, Tom was enjoying his extra-hot, calm, soothing, wake-up shower routine when I rushed into the bathroom, opened the shower door, reached in, turned off the water and yelled with every ounce of frazzled, anxiety inside of me "TOM, BENJI IS EATING BAMBI! YOU HAVE TO COME RIGHT NOW AND SAVE BAMBI!!!" I threw him a towel from the unfolded laundry basket,  he wrapped it around his cold, wet body and went running in an unknown direction. The ordeal was all happening in the backyard and that is where I went, Tom went running to the front yard.

I got back to the scene and somehow that sweet little Bambi found his way out. I think the fawn angels must have picked him up and plopped him over the fence. Benji then proceeded to go chasing after Bambi into the forest, barking and snarling the entire way. The girls and I yelled, "Run, Bambi, run!" with tears in our eyes and gallons of blood being pumped through our hearts by the second. I turned around to see where Tom was and there was no sign of him. I started yelling through the house trying to find him when finally I opened the front door and there he was. Picture this: Tom standing on the front driveway wrapped in a white dish towel dripping wet yelling Benji, Benji, (in a very sort of muffled/annoyed tone) with a thick fog all around him. He turned back to me and said, "Where are the dog and the deer?" "Well," I said "The entire ordeal took place in the backyard not the front yard and somehow, in someway a miracle occurred and the precious Bambi got away." I explained the entire manic scene to him that, mind you, HE started and then missed it all.

I then thought about it and stated, "Honey, while you were in a hot, relaxed mellow spa land, I was literally stuck in a National Geographic episode called Predator and Prey."

Tom looked at me and said, "Can't we just have a normal, peaceful morning like other people who look at the cute little animals and coo and caw over them?" I calmly exclaimed, "Yes, honey that would be nice....BUT this is going to make for a great story!" Tom replied, "Yes, but I like to READ these stories, not LIVE them."

And so it goes.